A completely fictitious phone conversation between AutoCab and Speedy Cabs: As far as it is aware no such conversation has ever taken place with the following contents so this is just for fun!:
AutoCab: “Hi.. AutoCab here... How are you?”
Speedy Cabs: “Fine thanks.. what can I do for you?”
AutoCab: “Well you know that we have sold out to Uber”
Speedy Cabs: “Yes... I got the email suddenly out of the blue then started choking on my Rice Krispies.. the Mrs thought I was having a heart attack”
AutoCab: “Well we are looking for feedback”
Speedy Cabs: “Well I wasted a whole bowl of Rice Krispies and the Mrs kept beating on my chest”.
AutoCab: “Sorry to hear that but I meant feedback on the Uber buyout of AutoCab”
Speedy Cabs: “Isn’t that a bit late now the deal it done?”
AutoCab: “Well we had to keep it quiet as we didn’t want anyone to know about it”
Speedy Cabs: “Yep you certainly achieved that!”
AutoCab: “I know.. we are very good at what we do... but what do you think?”
Speedy Cabs: “Well having only just really recovered from the shock let me give you my first thoughts”
AutoCab: “Ok great fire away”
Speedy Cabs: “Mmmm .. Don’t tempt me....” “Well for a start we have been with you for a number of years and have had a pretty good relationship....”
AutoCab: “Good start!”
Speedy Cabs: “Mmmm... and we have effectively contributed to the success of AutoCab with advising on features and development over the years which has been great to allow us to build a good reputation as a local cab supplier to our town”
AutoCab: “Loving it so far....”
Speedy Cabs: “ Mmmm.... and we have paid AutoCab a lot of money over the years to build ourselves up to be the best we can for the public and the drivers...”
AutoCab: “Loving it even more!”
Speedy Cabs: “ So why do you think that after all this time of being in the business where I have worked many hard hours to build up my own brand and customer loyalty do you think that I am now going to happy ending working for X^%$$! Uber by default of having paid your company to be the company that it is... along with all of the local cab companies like us up and down the country?”
AutoCab: “Well.. we think it is a great way forward...”
Speedy Cabs: “Have you cashed the cheque yet?”
Speedy Cabs: “We believe that by letting Uber use our software to connect...”
Speedy Cabs: “Have you cashed the cheque yet?”
AutoCab: “We believe that the future is tomorrow..”
Speedy Cabs: “I see you have been well versed in Uber-Speak... Have you cashed the cheque yet”
AutoCab: “We are looking at exciting times ahead connecting people who cannot get an Uber now in your area because Uber have not moved in there.”
Speedy Cabs: “Ok so you are not going to answer my question.... but have you recently bought yourself a really nice and very expensive car?”
AutoCab: “With you local cab company you can now be a supplier of cabs to Uber”
Speedy Cabs: “Ok forget my question. But why would I want to be a supplier of cabs to Uber where they are currently not offering their app to the public here”
AutoCab: “Thousands of people a day are deprived of using an Uber because there are areas that Uber has not ventured into. In fact Uber has not taken on any more areas since 2016...”
Speedy Cabs: “Hold on there! So where Uber has not bothered to get a licence it thinks that thousands of people are being deprived of its service? So what do you think they do instead then... walk?
AutoCab: “Well those thousands of people would...”
Speedy Cabs: “Yes go on... “
AutoCab: “.....................Use a local cab?”
Speedy Cabs: “Exactly so why the X^%$$! do you think that I want to be a supplier of cabs to Uber in my areas where we have a few cab companies already competing together. Do you think this is going to make my company better!
AutoCab: “Well yes because we can then make the Uber app available in your area and then people will use it to get an Uber and we will pass the work onto you”
Speedy Cabs: “For free?”
AutoCab: “Well no.. of course not.. it is a service that AutoCab and Uber are offering to you!
Speedy Cabs: “How much will this cost me”
AutoCab: “Only 20% of the fare..”
Speedy Cabs: “20%?”
Speedy Cabs: “20%.. for now.. what about the future”
AutoCab: “That’s the great thing.. the future is definitely tomorrow and we want to break you... ooops.. sorry.. we want to take you with us!”
Speedy Cabs: “But my drivers are on 12.% of the fare at the moment”
AutoCab: Silence...... “Sorry you’re breaking up.....”
Speedy Cabs: “How come AutoCab Director Hassan Abod was featured in the August edition of Private Hire & Taxi Monthly giving five reasons not to use Uber? Under 1. LESS SUPPORT FOR YOUR LOCAL ECONOMY - 2. YOU CAN’T USE IT EVERYWHERE - 3. UBER CAN’T DEAL WITH TRIP COMPLEXITY - 4. INCENTIVES DON’T LAST LONG - 5. LOCAL TAXIS ARE BUILDING FOR THE FUTURE”
AutoCab: “Oh... that is yesterdays news.. fish and chip paper now!”
Speedy Cabs: “Mmmmmm... not quite.. too shiny and smooth for fish and chips... just like you. And what about AutoCab CEO Safa Alkateb is listed as a Director of ‘CAUTION’ (Campaign Againt Ublawful Taxis In Our Nation) that was backing that Uber should never be issued with an Operator Licence?”
AutoCab: “Oh well.... that was then... but then but the future will be tomorrow!
Speedy Cabs: “Mmmmmm.... more Uber–Speak . But getting back to basics those customers who now have the Uber app available to them were my customers anyway!!
AutoCab: “Haaa.. but you don’t see the advantage... Uber is trendy and a big brand name so everyone will now start using the Uber app in your area and you will get all the work”
Speedy Cabs: “But I have a good majority of the work already and AutoCab and Uber now want to sell it back to me! I already have the AutoCab app for my cab company advertised everywhere so are you now saying that the AutoCab app is inferior?”
AutoCab: “Well no.. it’s very good,, but we are looking at opening up new paths of opportunity to all lcoal cab compaines and..... we will be offering the choice of an ‘Uber’ on the app or a ‘Local Cab Company.”
Speedy Cabs: “And if there is no actual Uber on the app because you couldn’t be arsed to get a licence here what happens then?”
AutoCab: “Well this is the great thing! You get the job!
Speedy Cabs: “You mean the job I would have got anyway without all this amalgamation on Uber and AutoCab”
AutoCab: “Errrr... yes”
Speedy Cabs: “Ok so what if ‘Jon’s Cabs’ down the road changes to AutoCab?”
AutoCab: “Well that would be great as it means we will all be working together!”
Speedy Cabs: “You mean we will all be working under Uber or more likely end up working for Uber and my competitor ‘Jon’s Cabs’ will also be getting this supposed work from Uber!”
AutoCab: “Errrr.. Yep!”
Speedy Cabs: “What will happen in areas where Uber has already been at the throat of the local cabs and where it has brought in hundreds of vehicles not licensed in those areas eroding local licensing control?”
AutoCab: “Well that’s the whole dynamics of the network! They will all be making Uber super strong and super efficient!”
Speedy Cabs: “ You mean to placate the investors who have piled billions into Uber that again has made a huge financial this Second Quarter?”
AutoCab: “I am sorry you will have to ask Uber that... when you become and Uber-Partner!
Speedy Cabs: “LISTEN!....I have spent years as a loyal customer with AutoCab and have had a good relationship. I have built up my business with the competitors that I already have. I know my market here and I provide a damn good service with damn good drivers. You now want me to be part of the Uber brand as an ‘Uber-Partner’ by default. You want me to be a supplier of my cabs to help Uber get known in my area and to help make Uber stronger and more efficient. You want to sell me back my work that I already have because once Uber makes its app available here then it is expected that the trendy hipster are so Uberised that they will use the Uber app instead of my own companies app supplied by you AutoCab!
AutoCab: “Yes! By Jove he’s got it!
Speedy Cabs: “Yes I certainly have... now X^%$$! Off!